Play, the Language of Children
By Manny Vazquez, M.S., LMFT, Child Therapist and Child Advocate
All children love to play. Hands down, every child. I have never met a child who did not love to play.
Now, I have met children who were so traumatized that they did not enjoy playing. They still played because they loved it, but they did not have fun, because they were severely depressed or anxious.
I once did a play therapy assessment session with a little boy, who had lost his placement; in other words, his Parents had done something to lose their son to the foster care system. I pulled out a game that all kids love, and I played with him for an hour. He played with me, but I’ve never met a child before or after him who played with more sadness than he did. To this day, I have not forgotten his face and his countenance of agony, as he lived with they idea that he had been separated from his home and his Family. To him, it did not matter what his Parents did; it only mattered that he was ripped from his Family, and the only thing he wanted was to be back home. Think about how you would feel if you were ripped from your home. Let that sink in for a minute, and think about the fact that currently there are millions of children in foster care all over the world.
Why did I tell you that very sad story? It was to demonstrate that even the most traumatized child loves to play. Why do you suppose that is? It is because children express themselves through play, which is the universal language of children. Go to any war torn country, where missiles fall on a daily basis, and who do you see playing in the streets like nothing is happening? Children! Who was playing in their hiding places, when German Nazis were hunting down and killing Jews in masse? Children!
No matter how bad things get, children will play. The play encourages them to express how they feel. Children communicate with their peers through play, and they want to communicate with their Parents through play. That is why I tell Parents, the best thing you can do for your child’s mental health and well-being is play with them. Your child will connect with you in a way that you never expected if you do this.
Now, comes the question that I have for all Parents. What games should you play with your child? I have one answer for Parents about this. It doesn’t matter. If I were you, this is what I would do. Take your child to the store, and take them to
the games section. Once there, have them (yes, them!) select a game or two. If you’re short on funds, have them select a card game. Those are usually $5-6, and there are little hundreds of card games (I can literally think of a 100 card
games right now; but I have 24 years experience doing play therapy). With one $2-3 regular deck of 54 playing cards, you could literally play thousands of games. So, expense should never be a deterrent to you playing with your child.
Our LORD has given you literally thousands of games or ways to connect with your child. Look up card games online. You will literally find thousands upon thousands of card games under $5.
When I have a child for a client, Parents often think that I’m going to do therapy with them alone, which I can do, but I typically won’t do, if the Parent is available. When I worked in community mental health, and we had to go into the schools to see children, yes, I often saw the child alone because often, the Parent was not available due to having to work. However, if the Parent could join with child during the therapy session, then I would try my hardest to include them in the
therapy, so that the relationship between them would grow.
During play therapy, I always let the child pick whatever game they want (I have about 50 games in my office). I personally do not care what game the child chooses, and I teach Parents that they should not care, either. Sometimes, the child is stuck choosing because they want to please their Parent, which is okay. I then ask the Parent to choose the game, and they balk, I choose it. I’m not going to spend the entire therapy hour choosing a game.
Why does it not matter what game we play in therapy? Because what matters is that the child play with their Parent, and that the child heal from his or her trauma, depression, or anxiety. I have found that after just one session of play therapy, a child can improve in their behavior or in their mental health tremendously. One thing I do tell the Parent after their session with their child, please, please play with them at home. I teach Parents how to play with their children, and it’s an intervention that does wonders. It’s also a lot of fun for the child, the Parent, and yes, me.
Parents, you can bring your child to me if they suffer from PTSD, anxiety, or depression, or something else. Sometimes, a child needs a professional behavioralist to help them, just like adults at times do. But you can also play with them at home, which can be very helpful. I am here to help you learn how to play with your child in a way that is loving and gentle. Amen.